E-mail I do not reply to
Category I: I could but I won't
I do not wish to appear that I am making fun of anybody, because many of the questions I receive start with something like " ... I know you're going to think this is a dumb question, but ... "
However, some of the questions I have received have a humerous overtone.
In general, questions I do not reply to are too brief, or arrogant, or lazy. For example:
My boyfriend can't get it in the hole. What should we do?
Tell me everything you know about perverts.
Compare and contrast the underlying psychodynamics of transvestites and transsexuals. (Actually -- I did reply to this one. I said "Please congratulate your professor for a great take-home exam question. I suggest that you start with the library. I don't do other people's homework.")
Isn't sex therapy just a specialty of massage therapy? Respond immediately.
Category II: You make it impossible
"My problem is ... but do not respond on this e-mail account. I share it with my (spouse) or (parents) or (anyone I don't want to read it)."
Category III: You make it complicated
The "automatic" return e-mail address is something like
and the author says: Please reply to
I dislike spam as well, but falsifying your return e-mail address so that spam to that fictitious address will be undeliverable also makes it necessary for folks like me to take extra steps. When I am composing a reply to a sincere question, the last thing I want to do is write down someone's "correct" e-mail address and have to manually enter that in the reply. So if you want an answer, make it easy for me!
Be specific. In many cases, important factors that affect what I can reply include age, length of relationship, precipitating factors (e.g. I separated from my wife 5 months ago and starting 4 months ago I began to have erection problems), medications, stressors -- job change, diagnosed with illness, etc.,
Be complete. In addition to "I need to be on top to come" say what you have already tried. If the next line is "My spouse will only do it with him on top or me on top", my reply will be quite different from a next line of "We've tried doggy style with me using a vibrator on my clit, etc., etc., but nothing works". Get the idea?
Be precise. This is not the time to use metaphors. "When he touches my love button too hard ..." "His manliness sometimes isn't." "She likes me to finger her" all have some meaning but sometimes it's ambiguous. Kindly use the most precise anatomical terms possible. I expect precious few to know what the "introitus" is (some "new" sex therapists don't know), or the location of the pubococcygeus muscle, but please be clear on what anatomy you do know.
Please avoid ambiguity. Enjoy the anonymity of the internet. When I get an e-mail that says "I am an 18 yr old female; all five lovers I have had pleased me but my current boyfriend can't get it in far enough when he fucks me" I have a pretty clear idea of what's going on. But when I get something like "When I have my period I fuck my partner in a different way and it causes her pain" ... etc., it's ambiguous what "fuck" means.
Last, but not least, please OVERCOME EMBARRASSMENT! While the most common introduction I get is "You may think this is a dumb question, but ...", the most emotional, and second most common, is something like: "It's taken me a long time to get up the nerve to ask someone this" or "I don't know who I could ask about ..." I suspect that many people are embarrassed because they have been put off by someone they already asked. Oh well.
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